It is guaranteed that you will have stressful times as you work with these men and women. Because you love them, they will frustrate you with the choices that they make. You will not be able to make sense of what they are doing. When I began this work so long ago, I was straining and struggling to grasp why they would return to such personally damaging behaviors. Unfortunately, even after over two decades of working with the poor, I have no cookie cutter answers. I can say with certainty that everyone has hurts and pains that they are carrying. I can also say with great confidence that it is common that hurting people hurt people. My point is that as you work with these men and women, regardless of what you are seeing with your eyes, you can assume that people are hurting. Imagine you have a friend with a broken arm. They have a cast that is very obvious. You are careful around them. While you might have a certain amount of horseplay in a normal situation, that cast is a warning that you need to be gentle. Those that you come in contact with are just as injured but you are unlikely to see it most of the time. When you do see that reaction, though, you know. I have learned to rejoice when they mouth off, blow out or do some other negative behavior. That reaction is the visible cast of their emotions. I can work with that.
Once we had a mobile dental unit come to our facility. At the time I had forgotten that many in the culture of poverty have a great fear of dentists. We were working with a young man that had once bragged to me that he had more time in institutions and rescue shelters than I had. In his case, he meant residing. Anyway, he had a history of violence and anger. He typically showed himself to be tough, with a prison protection mindset. But during this visit with us at the mission he was doing great. Early in his visit he had a heart issue of some kind that scared him. He decided to change his life. The week that the dentist was there he was about three weeks into a quit tobacco program. His attitude was open to learning and growing. I watched him as he protected the mission from local drug dealers and others that wanted to cause trouble. A staff member had convinced him that this mobile dental unit was a great opportunity to get his teeth fixed up. He signed up.
I was going about doing other business around the mission when the dentist came to me and pulled me aside. It turns out this man threatened the hygienist. He told me that he did not want to press charges but that he could not permit the man to get dental care that day. That seemed reasonable. By the time I found the man, he had calmed down quite a bit. We chatted in my office and I asked him what happened. He looked at me confused. “What are you talking about?” I shared with him about what the dentist reported. He denied even having an appointment. Then his old anger resurfaced. Within fifteen minutes he had grabbed his belongings and left with a wide array of threats. I have only seen him once since then. Later reviewing what happened with the dentist the man was joking and calm until the hygienist brought out her cleaning tools. “It was like a switch got flipped. He jumped up and was filled with rage.” It was then that I understood that behind his tough exterior, this man had great fear. Knowing this will give me an opportunity someday to better serve him. I only needed to get a good look at the cast on his emotions.
