I remember shortly after accepting a pastor position at a church in central Washington we were driving by the church and for the first time I saw my name on the marquee. While I had imagined through much training and failed interviews this moment; the imagined emotions were different. In my mind I imagined great joy and excitement over the potential. Instead, what I felt was abject fear. While I had prepared diligently, suddenly I felt unqualified and unprepared. I could envision that the next Sunday this crowd of mainly silver haired saints would come to me calling me Pastor. They would ask for prayers and advice on things that I simply would not be able to offer even the most basic of wisdom. How in the world was I going to be able to come up with three sermons a week, lead board meetings, teach a Sunday school lesson, counsel and keep my other full-time job? Suddenly the weight of my decision landed on me. Add to that we had to find a home in this little village to purchase. While my other full-time job would keep me in contact with friends, this new town was not likely to be open to new people. I looked over at my wife who suddenly looked very proud to be Sister Schaus, the First Lady of New Hope Church. In her arms was my baby son and next to her was my three year old daughter. Would I be able to do all of this and be a good father? Doubts circulated through my entire being.
My friends, that was the reality of that moment. However, that is not how I had envisioned it. Despair came to me in waves. I smiled as my wife insisted on taking a picture of me in front of the marquee. The smile was totally forced. We packed the kids back into the car and continued our journey. The vision had been real, now reality was coming quickly. A funny thing though happened later that day. In my heart I resolved to be all in on this life. I would train up my children in the ways of the Lord. I would sacrifice whatever it took to serve these people and those at the shelter where I worked forty hours. As I prayed for strength, wisdom and compassion, He gave it to me. I still had no logical next steps. How was I going to build the church so that I could make enough to have one job? No idea. Where was the creativity come from to create so many lessons and sermons? No idea. How would I discover enough wisdom to help with life challenges for myself and others? No clue. But in a moment, I realized that I was not alone in what I was aiming for. It would be difficult, but I would not be alone. Our loving Father would give me all that I needed to pull it off. I exhaled deeply and began living in the moment. While I did not use these words at the time, I said, “Do the next right thing.” That concept became a mantra for the rest of my life. With ears and eyes open to the will of God, I have pressed on and not allowed doubt to stifle my heart.
