A great many people who work with those in poverty come from the middle class. They have reasonably comfortable lives. Most paying a mortgage, own a car or two, have food in their fridge and a general feeling of stability in their lives. They look at the poor and think, “I can fix them.” Honestly, that is where I started. In March of 2002, I made the leap from the military to civilian life. When I took that leap, I really could not see what was on the other side. I imagined pastoring a church and raising my family in a quiet middle class neighborhood. However, God had different plans for my life. I applied for the few churches that were open at the time. Then I applied for a couple hundred jobs that would pay the bills while I waited for God to come through. One of those hundred jobs was at the Union Gospel Mission in Spokane Washington. I did not think that I would get the job but after a lengthy process I was selected. Even then I saw the job as my temporary gig until I was pastoring full time. However, on one of my first evenings having dinner with a family I met Nick. Nick was eight or nine. This young man was full of zest and hope. I looked around and the room was full of women (it was a women’s shelter so that makes sense.) I wondered who would help Nick and others like him on what it means to be a man. Over time I began to look at these women as my sisters, mothers and daughters. I fell in love with them. While I did pastor part time, my heart was moving toward the hurting and the wounded people of the street. I felt that I knew the answer to all of their problems. Of course that answer is Jesus, but that is too simplistic.
I had solutions to overcoming laziness and fear. Though I struggled with my own laziness and fear. Countless times I dispersed advice without really listening to the ladies. Most of my advice was Biblical bumper sticker wisdom. I always felt like I had to have the answer. My life experiences while great and important though were not going to help most of these women experience a better life. Many had come from abusive backgrounds, had criminal records, struggles with mental illness and had a past that I could never fully understand. My middle class wisdom was not going to help most of them.
My tactic over the years became to listen more, talk less. I learned that when I listened I was telling the that they mattered, that their opinions mattered. Then a funny thing happened, they trusted me. I would share insight from the Bible or my own life and it was more likely to work for them. I watched as these women began to flourish and grow. Some made solid life decisions based on middle class values and it was bearing fruit.
My friends, take time to listen first. Build the relationship and only offer guidance initially when asked for or when there is life and death sort of issues to deal with.
